In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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