I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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