please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
