My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
