The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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