He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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