Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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