I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
