if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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