I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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