I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
