I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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