areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
