bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
