Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
