I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
