i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
