my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
