I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
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My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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