if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
