i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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