We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
