everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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