So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger