so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That's what I'm talking about
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.