I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.