I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....