What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike