Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.