If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
