please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can't just leave with hair like that
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
