Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
