My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
