When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
