Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
