I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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