So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
