well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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