Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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