Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
