Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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