i jhust puked up my retainher.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
