It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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