your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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