Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I will pee on everything he values.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
