can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
