look no pants
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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