I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
