somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
