What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
