I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
