Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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