i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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