HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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