38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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