Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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