Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
