So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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