He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
