I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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