Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
