ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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