She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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