I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
