I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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