my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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