i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
