My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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