Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
