i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
