She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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